Monday, May 30, 2011

What was I thinking??!!

This was me at 26. I was very sad and very overweight. (What I really want to type is FAT) I was on the verge of a divorce and my kids were only 3, 5, and 7. What showed on the outside was a pretty good reflection of the mess I was on the inside.

This is me last summer at 33. Very happy, spending time with family standing next to my oldest now 15. Looking good if I say so myself. But here's the problem I still thought I was FAT!!!! What was I thinking??!! I still looked in the mirror as disgusted as I did when I was 26 and truly overweight.

So that brings me to today. I have gained 30 lbs since last summer. I have spent the last month beating myself up inside, saying mean things and eating like CRAP!!!! I am ashamed to tell people I teach workout classes worried what they would think looking at such a FAT woman. Today I started a healthy eating plan and a new workout plan. I am following the workout routine on It combines kettle bell workouts and cardio. I will lose this 30lbs. I always do. This time I'm going to figure out as the pounds come off what it will take to be happy with the way I look when I reach my goal. I can blame all kinds of things for my warped self image but really at this point it's about me. If my self worth is actually rooted in God and who He says I am then it won't matter what other people think of me, past or present, thin or fat. I just started reading a book by Angela Thomas, called Do you know who I am? (she is also the author of My single mom life, my all time favorite book for single moms) In the introduction she quotes J.J. Packer who says "There is...great incentive to worship and love God in the thought that, for some reason, He wants me as his friend, and desires to be my friend, and has given His Son to die for me in order to realize this purpose". WOW! So my prayer is that this time as I lose these 30 lbs I also begin to know the person that God chose to be His friend.

1 comment:

  1. Hello! I just found your blog from the 21 Days of Prayer for Sons blog. I'm leading a group too & was looking at other blog leaders. This post really caught my eye because I've struggled with weight issues all of my life (UP & DOWN) & I just turned 41! I get so mad at myself & give myself sermons. I know that it's all a mind game & if I truly ask God for help, He will help me! It's encouraging to hear other people that struggle as well. I'll be praying for you as we lead these groups the next 3 weeks. I'm glad I found your blog! Have a great day! Kim Beechem (