Thursday, April 12, 2012

It's just a cookie Sarah, not love!

Cookies, cookies cookies!!!!

I went to a meeting this afternoon and there was a huge tray of cookies sitting on the counter. I very confidentally passed those calorie laden devils and headed to the table for the meeting. Fast forward an hour and a half, I was the last one to leave the meeting and was asked if I wanted to take the cookies to my office. "No way" I replied. With the same amount of disgust I would have used had he asked me to take a bowl of fresh poop, thank you very much. With a hurt look he said "You don't think the volunteers would want some cookies". OH GREAT!!! Now I'm depriving sweet old people of a little afternoon happy! How could I say no???

The second I walked in to the office with the cookies I made the decision to have one. Just one. SIX cookies later........DON'T JUDGE ME!!! I seriously ate six cookies! What the heck? SIX COOKIES!!! I'm surprised there were even enough cookies left for the volunteers! So what's a former complusive binge eater on the mend to do when she has a slip up like this?

Normally this is the way it would go down! I would beat myself up for several hours. Mentally not physically of course, although a punch to the grill may be less painful than the things I have been known to say to myself. After a good verbal assault I would usually decide since I have already blown it for the day the only thing to do is obviously go to Buffalo Wild Wings, Pizza Inn, Fill in fast food joint here, and PIG OUT! Then it makes perfect sense to have some Dairy Queen for dessert. Here's what I did instead:

I thought about what went wrong. Here's the first thing I realized. My brain was telling me not to eat the cookies. I made a conscious decision to turn my brain off and ignore it! Not the best decision. I still haven't figured out why I did it. I don't exactly know what my self talk should have looked like because I definitely don't think I should have been praising myself for the great cookie gorge of 2012, however, I wasn't mean to myself and that is a step in the right direction. If I had it to do over again I wouldn't have even brought the cookies down to my office. Next time someone wants to send something for the "volunteers" I'm going to tell them I don't want to be responsible for all those oldies getting diabetes!!!!

I know you are wondering if I pigged out for dinner and it might make a for a more exciting story but I didn't. I had a grilled chicken wrap from chic-fil-a and I even did week 4 day 2 of my couch to 5k. I'm allowing myself to feel satisfied with the decisions I made after the binge although I am still somewhat disgusted with the binge itself. Tomorrow I weigh in with Beth. We will see if those stinkin crack cookies show up on the scale.

Last thing! Speaking of the scale. Since I started meeting with Beth I have never lost more than two weeks in a row. On the third week weigh in I usually gain which then starts my downward spiral. Tomorrow will be three weeks in a row. I am soooo wanting to break that pattern but I am putting in writing that if I don't I will carry on and not run naked screaming to the nearest taco bell!!!!

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