Carry On....

There ain't nothing fun about dreams dying or loves leaving. I read this today in a blog I follow and it pretty much sums up where I am right now. Although I would like to lay around and wallow in my misery that is just not an option. Wanna know why?

 

These beauties, that's why! Man I love these kids! So I'm taking in one day at a time because anything else is a bit overwhelming. I love the song Carry On by Fun. The chorus says "if you're lost and alone or you're sinking like a stone, carry on" And that is exactly what I am doing.

 

 

Check out the song!

 

My weight is still pretty out of control so I am really focusing on counting calories and exercising. It is actually helping to distract me. I am sticking to 1200 calories a day and I have enlisted the help of a personal trainer!

 

 

This little stud muffin right here has agreed to take on his Mom as a client. (In case you're wondering if Tyson ever wears a shirt, the answer is not if he can help it!) He is taking it so seriously and I really appreciate his help! Here's what he has had me do this week:

 

Monday: 30 minutes on treadmill

Tuesday: 44 minute interval run on treadmill, Tabata Ab workout, 15 minutes as many rounds as I could do of 5 pushups, 10 squats, 15 kettle bell swings (I did 9 1/2)

Wednesday: 1 hour power walk outside it was a beautiful night and it really helped to prevent some of the soreness (not gonna lie, I'm stinkin sore)

Thursday: 3 minute warm up on the treadmill, 25 jumping jacks, arm circles, Tabata pushups, and then 1/4 mile treadmill run followed by 25 squats four times. (I may be in a wheel chair tomorrow)

 

A coworker and I have also walked a mile each afternoon at work. Tyson is so encouraging and keeps telling me how proud he is of me and saying you can do it Mom. What better motivation is there than that?

 

Let me take a sec to brag: We got a letter in the mail that said Tyson's grades qualify him to be inducted in to the National Honor Society. We had to fill out a form and make a list of all his extra curricular and volunteer activities. We turn it in tomorrow and will find out some time in October if he has been chosen. I am so so so so proud of him. I am unbelievably blessed with such smart kids!

 

I have another weigh in a week from tomorrow for my work program. I hope this is enough to make my goal but even more than that I want to keep going unlike last time when I met my goal and immediately started pigging out again!!!!

 

I'm happy to be blogging again and will be adding some stuff over the weekend............ Bye All! 





What I got cookin!

As part of the weight loss competition on facebook that I am doing we have to have two servings of fruit and three servings of vegetables a day. I thought I was totally doing that each day but man was I wrong. It has been fun trying to find different ways to incorporate them into my day. The HARDEST part has been not eating after 9:00pm. That is when I do the majority of my bad eating so it's most definitely a good thing for me but it sure isn't easy!!! This week I'm also cutting down on most of my snacks. I snack to dang much! Even if it's good stuff it's still usually too much!

When I find something that tastes good and is healthy I get pretty excited about it. Here are a few of my favorites from the past week.

Ok, so I know it isn't pretty but it WAS good! It was breakfast this morning. 1/2 Natures Own 100 calorie English muffin. I spread some laughing cow cheese on it and topped with strawberries. That's a lovely serving of egg beaters next to it!

I'm so totally in love with this yogurt!!!! I have had it as a snack and as breakfast along with a Kashi fruit and nut granola bar. Soooo good!

Lunch has been mostly leftovers. Tomorrow I'm trying a new recipe. A black bean and mango quesadilla. I'll let you know how that works out!

WHY IS MY FOOD SO UGLY? This ugly but yummy dinner is a turkey burger topped with Dijon mustard, avocado, and tomato. I usually buy Jenny-O turkey burgers but this time I got the HEB brand and they are AMAZING! I love green beans and could eat them every day! I steamed these and then put spray butter and some Mrs. Dash on them.

This is an absolute favorite of mine and the kids! I use flat out bread for the crust and I have also used low cal tortillas. Layer with pizza sauce, WW mozz cheese and all the veggies you want. I put pepperoni on the kids but not mine. This totally makes me feel like I'm cheating even when I'm being good!!!

I'm never gonna be a chef or win any awards for my beautiful food pictures but hey I try :0)



Six days til 5K........

And I don't know whether to scream or cry!!!! I'm definitely not ready to run the whole thing, which is ABSOLUTELY what I want to do! Kristen reminded me that my goal was just to do it so I keep telling myself that. The absolute perfectionist in me can't stand the thought of not running the whole thing. I guess I have to start somewhere and so this will just be my start. Can you see me going back and forth in my head, trying to decide if I should be satisfied or discouraged?  The longest I have run so far is 1 mile run, 1 mile walk, 1 mile run. Today I did 1/2 mile walk 1/2 mile run and so on.

Tyson has started a running club with our church and today was the first night for them (us) to meet. We went to a local park. The guys ran 7 miles and I did race distance (3.2 miles) of course 1/2 run 1/2 walk. Anyway, Tyson asked me what I think about when I run and I told him what I'm usually thinking is "when in the heck is this gonna be over!" This will get easier, this will get easier, this will get easier! Say it with me.............

Did I mention the mile markers are on headstones????? Appropriate, I think!

Still trucking along......

I did not weigh in with Beth this Friday because I only worked a half day. I did, however, go to the doctor and they weighed me there. I am back to 203 which means I have lost the weight I gained for no apparent reason over the two previous weeks. I had blood work and a urine analysis done and will recieve the results this week. I'm not sure if they will show anything but I am looking for answers to the fatigue, unexplained swelling, and extreme difficulty losing weight!!! I am also scheduled for a hormone panel on May 9th at the gynocologist.

I am starting a 5 week weight loss challenge with some people on face book. You pay 25 dollars to join and keep track of your weight and there is also a point system to determine the winner. Maybe it will help motivate me. I could definitely use the money!!!

I have not done a very good job with planning for this next week which does not help set me up for success!! Between the wedding shower and allergies it's been a crazy weekend. I have tomorrow planned and then tomorrow night I will wash veggies and plan out the rest of the week! I am looking forward to using the fruits and veggies I got in my bountiful basket that I picked up on Saturday morning.

I will post some meals this week and also log my work out! I have got to get up to an hour a day! Hopefully this will be the week I see the 100's again!!!!!!



More to me than just weight loss :0)

I have posted about different things over the time I have been a blogger. Dating, parenting, dieting to name a few. I thought maybe once a week or so I would talk about some things NOT food and exercise related. Just to get a better picture of who I am.

I was raised by my Mom and Step-Dad and have two brothers that I am VERY close too. They are four and six years younger than me.

This picture was taken at my brother Ryan's (in the middle between my Mom and I) wedding last October. Ryan is an elementary PE teacher and his wife Megan owns a hair salon. I love my brother's so much however I had a very different childhood then they did. My step-dad (their father) and I did not get along at all so that made things very difficult growing up. My biological Dad recently moved here to Texas and I am working to develop a relationship with him. It is slow going but I believe it is important to continue to work on.

This past weekend Ryan, Megan, and I threw a couples wedding shower at our parents house for Nick (brother on far left in above picture) He is marrying Melody who we all love so much. They have been dating for over three years and they live together with Melody's four year old daughter, Rylea, who we are all smitten with. It was a huge success and I was so happy to be able to do this for them. This is an exciting year for Nick. He is graduating from college, getting married and expecting a baby in December. Check out some of the cool pics from the shower.

I found this invitation on Etsy in the simplesimondesign shop. Love love loved it! The mustache and lips theme grew from there.



I wanted several dessert options so we had cupcakes (red velvet, chocolate, and vanilla) cake balls (chocolate with with chocolate icing and vanilla with milk chocolate icing), and chocolate cake (it was called black out) So yummy!!!

The kids, Mom and I made these chocolate favors with molding trays purchased on amazon. The tags were from weddingchicks.com. It was a free template. (I love free)

Dessert counter

We put chips and veggies on this food table.

Gift table and favors.

We played games in the living room.

We had burger and hot dogs. All of the hot food was in the kitchen.







My sister in law, Megan, did an absolutely amazing job with the decorations!

The happy couple!!

The kids and I!

The kids, Mom, and I made these cut out mustaches and lips. We had all the couples pose for a picture as soon as they came in. We also played a game that went something like this: I read a statement and the guests had to hold up a mustache or lips depending on if they thought it was Nick or Melody I was referring to. For example: Their Mom had to hide their favorite outfit at age 6 to keep them from wearing it every day. (Nick!!!)

It was a successful shower and so much fun to be able to do for them. I love love love my family and although things are far from perfect and rarely easy they are still my family and I am so thankful to God for each of them!





Treadmill vs Sarah: Sarah 2, Treadmill 0

After the last post I definitely needed something positive to write about.

The book I am reading "Run Like a Mother" is encouraging me so much to keep up with my physical activity. Yesterday I walked five miles in the March of Dimes Walk. My work is a sponsor so I walked with my coworkers, volunteers and my awesome bff Jenny.

It felt great to get up and walk first thing Saturday morning.

Today I got on the treadmill for my daily run. I decided I was definitely going to beat my distance from the other day. I walked the first five minutes ran the middle twenty and walked the last five. Uh yeah I did just say I ran twenty minutes straight!!!!

Heck yes that's 1.733 miles!!! Next stop two miles!!!!!

Kristen asked me if I was working up a sweat during my workouts. I took this picture for proof. Hot right?

So what's up for this week. (other than the scale hopefully moving in the right direction) I'm going to keep the food journal for Kristen to go over with me. I'm going to up my exercise. My goal is 30 minute run in the morning and something else in the evening. I am setting my alarm for 5:30 am. What makes me think I'll actually get up this time you ask? Crazy Kristen is calling me from the gym to make sure I'm up!!!!!

I'm closing with this awesome quote I found on pinterest.

(told ya it was awesome!)

Sarah vs Scale: Scale 2, Sarah 0

Weigh day was bad. Really bad! I was up three pounds which means I am up a total of seven pounds in two weeks. To say I was frustrated Friday is a huge understatement. I was more like furious. Beth thinks it's time to call and make a doctors appointment. Something is not right here so I'm going to call the doctor Monday and schedule a check up to see if there is something physically wrong the is causing me to gain weight.

The only other possible explanation is that I am completely fooling myself in regards to how much I am eating and exercising. I could see this being a viable explanation if I was staying at the same weight but gaining this much seems so super crazy and unexplainable. I talked to my friend Kristen, who is a dietitian, and I am going to write down everything I eat in a notebook and she is going to go over it with me to look for hidden sources of calories. I'm also going to log how much I work out. Thirty minutes a day just isn't cutting it I am going to shoot for one hour.

On the bright side I am super blessed to have such an amazing support system. They are really keeping me from giving up. Also, I just keep telling myself that if the goal is to lose weight, and it is, eating like crap and not exercising isn't going to get me where I want to be. Of course, the frustrating part is that at this moment neither is what I am doing now. I won't give up. I can't.

My sad sad marbles all back in the weight to lose vase!

I haven't lose hope! I know I will figure this out. 

I feel like I just ran a marathon!!!!!

In a good way, not in the out of breath, my feet are killing me, I feel like I'm going to die way. Tonight I did something that I have never in my 34 (ok 35 but who's counting) years of life been able to do before!!!! I ran a mile straight.

A big part of me wants to say I know a mile is not a big deal to some people blah blah blah.... I'm not going to though because I am stinkin excited!!!! Every marathon runner ran their first mile sometime and tonight was mine!!!!

I'm reading a really good book called "Run Like a Mother. How to get moving and not lose your family, job or sanity" Great book! I'm working on thinking like a runner (thank you Beth) so I figured I would read what runners read. Anyway one of the authors was describing how she felt when she met her goal of running a marathon in under four hours and I said that's it. I'm going to put aside couch to 5k for tonight and go run a mile straight. AND I DID! I feel like I'm in the same club with the under four hour marathon lady!!!

My self talk went a little something like this. "I can do this because I am a runner" "I'm going to do this because I AM a runner" and my personal favorite, "Runners run a mile straight all the time so since I AM a runner I'm going to run a mile straight!"

So originally this was not what I was going to post about tonight. I was going to post about not FEELING like I'm losing any weight. I mean obviously last week I didn't. Since I don't weigh myself at home anymore I have no idea how I'm doing until I get on the scale on Friday's. I counted my calories today and came in at 1314. Not terrible but I really want to stay around 1200,. I'm ready to not only lose some weight but to FEEL like I'm losing weight. You know at the very least it would be nice to feel some baggy pants or something!

I decided to think worst case scenario. Or at least what feels like it to me. I step on the scale on Friday and I haven't lost ANY weight. What do I do? After much thought (I wonder if anybody else thinks about losing weight as much as I do?) I decided I will just keep at it. Beth (she's could probably sue me for copyright infringement at this point cuz I quote her so much!) said that weight loss follows behavior. Not always as fast as we want it to but it does. So if I just keep exercising and counting my calories eventually the weight loss will follow. This is what I am choosing to believe.

So tomorrow I will shoot for 1200 calories. The other thing I really want to do is wake up at 5:30 and get my run done in the mornings. I'm not even trying for that tomorrow because it's already 11:00 and I'm WIDE awake from the run. I'll go to sleep earlier and then attempt (for the 8 millionth time) to get up at 5:30 on Friday!

On the run......

It's 11:39 and I'm still trying to get everything I need to accomplished before tomorrow and the week officially starts!

I ran SIX minutes in a row today. My new record! Someday that's going to say I ran six MILES in a row. When I got done with the couch to 5k for today I felt so pumped up! Lots of positive self talk going on. I really reminded myself that someday I will be able to have a piece of pumpkin pie or pepperoni pizza but that time is not right now. I have to stay focused and get this weight off! When I am at my goal weight and maintaining I will treat myself from time to time but not now. Did I mention I lost the receipt to that dang bridesmaids dress and so now I REALLY have to get down a size before June 23!

Here's what I'm eating tomorrow.
Breakfast oatmeal and blueberries
Lunch ww tv dinner cut up veggies and protein ranch
Dinner veggie burger and fruit
Snacks string cheese and almonds

I'm about to make this protein ranch it is:

1 cup Dannon Oikos plain nonfat greek yogurt
1 packet hidden valley ranch (dressing, not dip)
1/2 cup 1% milk

I hope it tastes good!

Goals for the week:
Count calories
Couch to 5k
Start Jillian Shred!

Ok. I gotta get this stuff done so I can go to sleep! Night!

Losing weight and getting healthy is HARD!

Actually so is life! At least today anyway!

Yesterday was weigh in day and guess what? I was up FOUR pounds. I didn't beat myself up but I'm not gonna lie I was sad, very sad. Go back to my office and cry sad. I wish this was quick and easy. It's not. Does this mean I'm going to quit, no. Are there things I can do better? Definitely. This week I will count my calories. I know I snacked too much last week. Also, thank the Lord, I won't be on my period anymore. That should help with the water retention. (this is sexy stuff, I know) I have to plan, I'm am just not the kind of person who can succeed with out a written out eating plan for the week. If left to what i FEEL like eating it's not gonna be pretty. Like this mornings dessert pizza for breakfast!

Sometimes I feel sorry for myself because I don't get to work on just myself and losing weight and getting healthy. Today is absolutely CRAZY. I have a baby shower, double header baseball games, a filthy house that needs to be cleaned, oil change, pick up new license plates, meal plan, grocery shop, pay bills, balance check book, and work on some work I brought home with me! Add to that eat healthy and excercise. Then I remember these beauties:

I love my life. Sure it's hard. Being a single Mom is not easy. But really what worth having is ever easy? So I'm going to put on my baseball Mom t-shirt and head out to the field. Make my grocery list and hopefully even pay some bills while sitting in the stands with my girl and cheering for my boy.

I put on my facebook status this morning "life doesn't get easier, we just get better".  I'm working on it one decision at a time.

Weigh day!!!

Tomorrow I weigh in! I get soooo freaked out before weigh in! I used to weigh in EVERY day. I then let that determine what kind of day I was going to have. Good mood bad mood completely decided on by what the scale read. I made the decision to only weigh once a week and asked Tyson to hide the scale so I wouldn't be tempted. It was crazy hard at first. I couldn't stand not knowing how much I weighed. It has taken a while to get used to but I was determined not to let a number dictate how I felt everyday!

I did a lot of things good this week. I can think of a lot of things I want to do better next week. Looking back I think I definitely snacked too much in the evenings. Even though they were healthy snacks they still have calories. I am going to fix this next week by logging my calories. I KNOW I sound like a broken record but seriously I'm really gonna this time! It goes without saying I could have done without the six cookies yesterday!!!!

I've done what I can do. With that said, I'm headed to bed. Well couch, its one of those nights ;0)

It's just a cookie Sarah, not love!

Cookies, cookies cookies!!!!

I went to a meeting this afternoon and there was a huge tray of cookies sitting on the counter. I very confidentally passed those calorie laden devils and headed to the table for the meeting. Fast forward an hour and a half, I was the last one to leave the meeting and was asked if I wanted to take the cookies to my office. "No way" I replied. With the same amount of disgust I would have used had he asked me to take a bowl of fresh poop, thank you very much. With a hurt look he said "You don't think the volunteers would want some cookies". OH GREAT!!! Now I'm depriving sweet old people of a little afternoon happy! How could I say no???

The second I walked in to the office with the cookies I made the decision to have one. Just one. SIX cookies later........DON'T JUDGE ME!!! I seriously ate six cookies! What the heck? SIX COOKIES!!! I'm surprised there were even enough cookies left for the volunteers! So what's a former complusive binge eater on the mend to do when she has a slip up like this?

Normally this is the way it would go down! I would beat myself up for several hours. Mentally not physically of course, although a punch to the grill may be less painful than the things I have been known to say to myself. After a good verbal assault I would usually decide since I have already blown it for the day the only thing to do is obviously go to Buffalo Wild Wings, Pizza Inn, Fill in fast food joint here, and PIG OUT! Then it makes perfect sense to have some Dairy Queen for dessert. Here's what I did instead:

I thought about what went wrong. Here's the first thing I realized. My brain was telling me not to eat the cookies. I made a conscious decision to turn my brain off and ignore it! Not the best decision. I still haven't figured out why I did it. I don't exactly know what my self talk should have looked like because I definitely don't think I should have been praising myself for the great cookie gorge of 2012, however, I wasn't mean to myself and that is a step in the right direction. If I had it to do over again I wouldn't have even brought the cookies down to my office. Next time someone wants to send something for the "volunteers" I'm going to tell them I don't want to be responsible for all those oldies getting diabetes!!!!

I know you are wondering if I pigged out for dinner and it might make a for a more exciting story but I didn't. I had a grilled chicken wrap from chic-fil-a and I even did week 4 day 2 of my couch to 5k. I'm allowing myself to feel satisfied with the decisions I made after the binge although I am still somewhat disgusted with the binge itself. Tomorrow I weigh in with Beth. We will see if those stinkin crack cookies show up on the scale.

Last thing! Speaking of the scale. Since I started meeting with Beth I have never lost more than two weeks in a row. On the third week weigh in I usually gain which then starts my downward spiral. Tomorrow will be three weeks in a row. I am soooo wanting to break that pattern but I am putting in writing that if I don't I will carry on and not run naked screaming to the nearest taco bell!!!!

Confessions of a wanna be runner....I MEAN A RUNNER

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a runner. I don't know why but it sounds so cool to me! As much as I loved teaching my hip hop classes I am not much of a group fitness kind of gal. I love the thought of waking up each morning and going for a run before I start my day or coming home and running before starting my evening with the kids. Unfortunately it has been the thought of running that I have been in love with not the actual running!!! I have started and stopped couch to 5k three times. Regardless of how much I want to run deep down I have never thought I would be able to be a runner.

Last week during my weekly session with Beth, our fabulous employee health coach at work, I said something about wanting to be a runner. Beth said :you are a runner, you run don't you"? I said "you can hardly call what I am doing running". We have been working a lot on my negative self talk. I'm a work in progress. Beth said "do you run"? "Have you ran steps in your life"? I said "yes". She said "then you are a runner". "Say it". I mumbled, "I'm a runner". She wasn't convinced. "I'm a runne"r! It felt akward but good.

Tonight as I was doing week 4 day 1 of couch to 5k I started to doubt myself. For the first time I had to run 5 minutes straight. Probably doesn't sound like a lot to most people but to me it felt huge! During the warm-up I text my son. I don't think I can do this! TIME OUT! Have I told you how awesome my son is???

This is a picture of Tyson after he completed his first triathalon. His dedicaiton amazes and inspires me. When he makes up his mind to do something he does it. No matter what.

TIME IN! His response to me was "I believe in you" What a cool feeling. To be believed in. As I ran (hee hee, I ran) I kept saying to myself. "I can do this", "I AM a runner" What the heck??? Whose self talk is this? Surely not mine! But yes it was and guess what? I did do it!!!! Tyson came out for a run and lapped me twice but both times he threw his fist up in the air and gave me a huge smile. He was proud of me and I was proud of me! It's a new feeling. I think I could get used to it!

I can't wait to see Beth on Friday and tell her I'm a runner :0)

Here is a list of some of the songs that were pumping me up on my run tonight.

1. I look Good by Chalie Boy

2. My Chick Bad by Ludacris & Nicki Minaj

3. 6 foor 7 foot by Lil Wayne feat. Cory Gunz

4. Badonkadonk by Liquidsilva

I always down load the clean version! 

Last Week

Last week was pretty exciting! I didn't blog but I thought about it a lot does that count?

 I started out the week at 207 and had to get down to 204 by Thursday to meet my weight loss goal for the quarter. REWIND! I am part of a pilot program at work for people who need to make health changes. I quailfy because of my BMI. It is a one year program and my insurance premiums are being paid by my company as long as I stay in the program and meet my 3 goals each quarter. I also recieve 250 dollars for reaching the quarterly goals. At first I was SUPER embarresed to be a part of the program  but I've decided to take advantage of it and enjoy the rewards! Sooooo.... I had already met my 5 lb weight loss goal but fell off the wagon and gained it back! The pressure was on!

 I played close attention to what I was eating. I started off the week by making salads to take to lunch each day. I am one of those weirdos that can eat the same thing over and over!

This salad has romaine lettuce, baby spinach, grilled chicken, red bell peppers, strawberries, goat cheese crumbles and slivered almonds! YUMMY!!!!

The dressing that I use is from Walden Farms. I love the rasberry it's calorie and fat free but definitely not taste free!

I bought healthy snacks including grapes, string cheese, almonds and hard boiled eggs.

I really think the key to me eating well is preparation!!!! Making a plan and sticking to it!!! I love a plan!!!!

As far as excercise I did couch to 5k three times. I have given up on boot camp. It's just not something I can fit in to my daily schedule and I'm trying to be realistic!

Soooo.......Weigh in day and I was 203.5!!!! I met my goal for the quarter, I get to continue with the program, and I got to drop some more marbles in the loss jar!!!!! Woohoo!





 



Old Maid of Dishonor

Two questions?

1. Why does it take so much stinking longer to lose weight than it does to gain it?

2. Why when I'm in my sexual peak do I not have anybody to have sex with!!!!??? Please God bring my husband soon!

Enough of that!

Did my couch to 5k today. Outside! I also took my measurements but had a little bit of trouble with waist and hips cuz I could barely find them!!!

Waist: 37
L arm: 13
R arm: 13
L thigh: 30
R thigh: 29
Hips: 44

So below is a picture of the dress I am supposed to wear in my brothers wedding. I absolutely refuse to buy a smaller size! I have until June 23rd and I will do this!!!!!! I thought it would be another way to measure my progress :0)

And here's another beauty just for your viewing pleasure ;0)

Oh last thing! I saw this shirt on pinterest and I'm totally getting it to reward myself for finishing the four weeks of boot camp when I do in fact finish the four weeks of boot camp!





Here I go!

I really wanna blog about my weigh loss journey except I don't want people I know to see it until after I lose all this weight!!!!! Or are at least on my way! So I made all my followers inactive and will reactivate later when I've made some progress! I have started and failed so many times and I want this to be the last time so I want to record it!

Here's what I've got going. I'm making better food choices. I REALLY REALLY need to go back to counting calories on my lose it app on my phone. I'm gonna work on that this week. I started a boot camp last week and I am doing couch to 5k. I signed up to run a 5k on Mothers Day with a friend from work called Run Like a Mother (how great is that!) It has alway always always been my goal to run a 5k but I never seem to be able to accomplish it! Here's hoping this time I will!

Ok here's the before pics!

I will be taking new pics every 10 lbs! I need to see the progress!

Starting weight 209. Oh my Bob! Over 200 sorry to see that again!!! I was 207 at last weigh in. I weigh in every Friday with our employee health coach at work and will post my weight each week. I am gonna have Tristin measure me this week so I can keep track of that as well.

I am doing this fun thing I saw on pinterest to keep track of pounds lost in a visual way.

Just two sad little marbles right now but hopefully more soon!

I've also set up some rewards for myself:

1. an hour massge when I get under 200

2. a hair cut and color when I reach 185

3. new bras and panties at 160

My goals for this week:

1. Track my calories on lose it app

2. Go to boot camp 3 times

3. Couch to 5k 3 times

I know this girls is still in here somewhere under a few squishy layers of FAT!!!

I have a confession to make.......

I have always thought it was wimpy to pray for something and then say "if it's your will God".  "Isn't that just like an out if it doesn't happen?", I would ask myself. I was also afraid to pray with authority thinking it would make me somehow look bad if what I was asking for didn't happen. I'm not sure where I got my ideas about prayer but man was I screwed up.

I have been spending so much more time in prayer than I ever have before and let me tell you why I ask for God's will to prevail in the situations in my life. I don't want ANYTHING in my life that isn't God's will!!!!! He knows the plan and I don't and I'm ok with that. You know why?  Because I trust Him completely!!

My prayer life is changing from a list of requests I present to God to a true communication with Him. Seeking his presence, listening for answers, and striving to live a life worthy of Him.

Ok so I realize these are things I probably should have already known but hey better late than never, right?

I'm praying for you!

Day 21 - Humility

Wow! What an amazing 21 days. Ok actually longer because I'm posting this last blog about a week after we finsihed. I'm gonna go ahead and blame it on a terrible case of sunpoisoning! Repeat after me: PALE WHITE GIRLS MUST WEAR SUNSCREEN AND REAPPLY!

This 21 days has been, for me, more than I ever imagined it would be. I have never felt so close to God in my life. I have never felt such a desire to walk closely with Him than I currently do. I want to open my heart and pour out the love I feel for Christ on my children in hopes that they will begin to see how much we need Him.

I love a project. I love a good to do list. I started thinking about all the things in my life I want to change and what I want my next goal to be now that this 21 days is over. My eating is a mess and my weight is rising! So a new eating plan? My house sure isn't as clean as I would like it to be. So a new schedule for cleaning? I still haven't found Mr Right. So join another dating website?

Well although the first two would definitely be beneficial and the last one is a definite heck no after my last experience, I think I am going try something new that I learned during the 21 days of prayer for sons. I can change my behaviors but I want more. I want to change my heart. And we know that only God can change our hearts. The rest will come..........

So what's the plan? Because if you know me you know I love to plan! I'm going to start memorizing God's word. I want His word dwelling in my heart.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. (Ps 19:14) 


I am going to memorize Colossians in a year by learning 2 verses a week. I found a neat memorization booklet that I am going to us to help me accomplish this goal. I also found something else on the same website. A 100 day printable calendar . It has 3 lines to write 3 things you are working on. Things that you want to become part of your daily life.

Here are my three:

1. Read the bible and pray
2. Exercise
3. Be on time to work (I'm chronically tardy everywhere I go and I hate that!!!!)

I wonder where I will be in 100 days?

What has this 21 days meant to you? What's next?

I'm praying for you!

Day eighteen, nineteen, and twenty - Anger, Salvation, and Heart Change

Wow! I can't believe tomorrow is the last day of our 21 days of prayer! I had the kids this weekend and it's amazing how much harder it is to find the time to blog and spend time praying and reading God's word. Their summer visit with their Dad will end next Tuesday and I will have them back full time (thank the Lord) but I will definitely have to figure out how to make my time with God the first priority even with others here vying for my attention. I don't ever want to go back to making prayer an afterthought.

All three of the topics we have been praying over the past two days and today really boil down to the attitude of the heart. It will be my forever prayer that God mold Tyson's heart. That when the world is bearing down on him he will choose not to respond in anger but with the fruits of the spirit. I get angry, we all probably do, but man does Tyson get angry! I've talked to other Mom's of teenage sons and heard similar stories and I take comfort in knowing that I am not alone but that sure doesn't make it any easier when Tyson is in his room banging his fist against the wall or making creepy growly/yelling sounds. I am glad that he is able to not direct that anger towards anyone but I will be happy when God teaches him how to deal with those emotions in a more healthy manner. In the mean time I will be sure to model appropriate anger and continue to pray.

I had an interesting talk with a pretty cool 14 yr old tonight. He has been going to youth on Wednesday nights at our church for about six months. Tyson invited him the first Wed but now he comes whether Tyson is there or not. He is hungry for knowledge about the Lord and not ashamed to ask questions when they come up. He asked me tonight if I was mad at his Dad for saying there was no such person as Jesus. He was quick to defend his Dad saying that he is a really cool guy except for that. I was so glad for the opportunity to talk to him about this statement his Dad made because it had been weighing on my heart since the conversation happened. I told him that no I was not mad at his Dad. That I was sad that his Dad didn't believe in Jesus and that I was sad his Dad said those things in front of him when it is obvious how much he loves Jesus and how important that relationship is becoming to him. I explained to him that it was not our place as Christians to judge but that we should pray for him and let the love of God shine through us to his Dad. He wanted some concrete answers about how he could prove to his Dad that God is real. He said how do we really know we are right and all the other religions are wrong? I am so thankful for the prayers on changing hearts we have been praying. I told him my faith is very simple, I believe Jesus is the son of God who came to this earth to die for our sins. I believe because of his death on the cross our sins are forgiven and if we accept Him as our savior we can spend eternity in heaven with God, the creator of everything. I told him that part of having faith is not knowing all the answers but believing anyway. I told him I will pray that God changes the heart of his Dad. He reaffirmed that yes that was what he too believed and he told me about how God has been speaking to his heart lately. What a great conversation! I tell you this story for two reasons- 1. so that you can join me in praying for my young friends Dad and 2. to remind you that our boys are going to be around people all the time even people who love them who will challenge what they believe. It is our job to continue to pray and share the love of Christ with our sons so that in times where their faith is brought into question they will continue to stand strong.

I am praying for you!

Day sixteen - Gentleness Day 17 - Self-control

Gentleness

Oh my sweet Tyson boy is just about as gentle as a bull in a china shop! I am thankful for his exuberant spirit and larger than life personality. I am fully aware of how very normal his testosterone laden behavior is, however I will be praying long beyond this challenge that Tyson become a gentle man and understand that it is a strength and not a weakness.

Self-control

Why oh why is it so hard to have self control? I think we all battle self control in some area of our life. For me the biggest challenge is my weight. I just can't seem to get that battle under control. I can assure you I have put it under a microscope and it is not substituting for anything it is for the most part a self-control issue. I have been a terrible example for the kids when it comes to food. I don't know how many times they have heard "I'm going to start a diet on Monday so I'm going to eat (fill in the blank) tonight." I can't count how many Mondays I have started diets! Another area is in having healthy Christian relationships with the opposite sex. Let me just say it is hard to be a single 34 year old Christian woman. It was one thing to be a teenager around boys who wanted to have sex and say no-it's another thing entirely to be a woman around Men who want to have sex and you do too-AND YOU STILL HAVE TO SAY NO!!! When Tyson talks to me about his adolescent hormones I want to say your preaching to the choir buddy and I know what I'm missing!!!!! (nobody call CPS I don't actually say it)

I am thankful that we have a God who loves us so much that we can go to Him and ask for self-control. If you are tempted to have sex, eat the cake, fill in your area of struggle here, our God is not surprised!!! He knows your heart and is just waiting for us to turn it over to Him. Brooke talks about sin being a matter of what you love more than God. Yes we all love God but how much? More than we love a night of fun with the cute guy from work? More than we love a stuffed tummy with food we weren't even really hungry for? More than we love the new outfit we bought with our tithe money? I don't want to love anything more than I love God. Who but Him sent His son to die on the cross for me even knowing that I was going to choose these things over Him? What's a girl and the crazy brood she's responsible for to do? We are weak but oh thank you Lord that you are strong. Thank you for your grace and mercy. Lord you are worthy of my very best. I can't even dream up what you have in store for me or my kids but I promise I will not stop trying until I am living a life pleasing to you!

Maybe you struggle in different areas that I do but friend a struggle is a struggle and I am praying for you as you deal with yours!

Tyson is 14! He thinks he looks so super cool in this b-day picture and I would never tell him any different but I can't wait to show it to him when he is about 35!

Day fifteen - Faithfulness

Yesterday was a rough day. Not for me personally but several tragic things happened to people around me. Someone I go to church with lost her baby, a teenager was shot and killed in a gang related incident, and a 16 yr old drowned trying to save his 8 yr old sister from drowning. I can't imagine the pain these parents are experiencing. My heart breaks for them. I have no answers as to why these things happen. But I do know that God is still God. He will never leave us or forsake us. He is faithful.

Lord,
Let Tyson grow to be a man who is faithful to you. Above all else, God, let his heart belong to you. When times come, and they surely will, where Tyson doesn't know the answer to his question why, let his faithfulness in your remain steadfast.
Amen

I think that about sums it up. I want Tyson to be faithful to his wife, his children, his job but more than anything to God. When he is a man completely faithful and fully sold out to God the rest will fall in to place.

I am praying for you!

Day fourteen - Goodness

What a difference a day can make!!! Nothing in my circumstances has changed since yesterday. I haven't even seen or talked to Tyson today so I'm definitely not getting my optimism from some deep heart to heart conversation with him, but let me tell you what has changed! My heart! I stay up WAY to late. It's a problem. I decided to try something different yesterday.  Last night, after saying prayers with the kids, two of whom were no where near ready for bed, I decided to go to my room and pray. I took my 10 prayers for yesterday and my sad, beat down, tired heart and gave it all to God. I laid in bed and confessed all of my short comings for the day. Of course, He already knew them He was just waiting for me to go ahead and get them out. I told God how dissapointed I was in the way Tyson's birthday turned out. I admitted I didn't understand why even though I prayed so hard for a good night with the kids it still turned out so crappy. I recently read a quote from Paul Miller author of a praying life that prayer is a moment of incarnation-God with us. God involved in the details of my life. I liked the way that sounded but wasn't sure I understood exactly what incarnation meant so I looked it up. Incarnation - a bodily form assumed by God. That is what last night was for me. God, coming down to my level, if you will, caring about the details of my daily life. How amazing is that!!!! God loves us so much and cares about every detail of our lives!!!!   I felt the Lord begin to lift those things from me. As i prayed for Tyson and the girls I felt a peace. I am not in this alone God is right by me raising them with me waiting for me to ask for help, waiting for me to confide my fears and frustration in parenting to Him. Then I fell asleep and slept like I haven't in, well a long time for sure. I am so thankful for the gift of a new day. God is so smart! Imagine if we had to just keep on living one continual day!!!

Today we are praying the fruit of the spirit Goodness for our boys. It is so easy to confuse good behavior with true Goodness. Ok let's be honest here folks I want Tyson to have good behavior!!!! Certainly makes my life easier. But the catch is that we don't stop there. God is concerned with what is on the inside and as Christian mothers raising these amazing boys that should be our focus as well. Let's not settle with things looking good on the outside. I think part of this is to stop caring so much about making things look good for others.Wanting to have the best most well behaved son. I WANT TYSON TO HAVE A HEART FULL OF GOODNESS!!! I don't want him to behave or "act" good just for the sake of behaving. I want his good behavior to be a reflection of all the goodness going on in his heart. Matthew 12:34 "out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." I can not change Tyson's heart so I am darn well gonna spend my time with The One who can, interceding on Tyson's behalf, that he will have a heart shaped and molded by the Creator Himself.

I am praying for you!!!!

Day twelve - patience Day thirteen - kindness

Happy Birthday to Tyson. My sweet boy turned 14 today. I woke up this morning with a picture in my head of what today was going to look like. Tyson is always with his Dad on his bday and I get him at 6:00 at night. I'll spare you all the sordid details but in a nut shell the day was filled with unanswered texts, missed phone calls, his Dad decided not to meet me half way, they were fed a "late lunch" an hour before I was going to take him to eat, I found out he's been "snuggling" with a 17 year old girl while at his Dad's. Ok is that enough to give you the picture that today did not go the way I planned? How often, as mothers, do our plans take a nose dive? Quite often, if you're life is anything like mine. I kept praying during the 1 1/2 hour drive to pick the kids up today that God would fill me with the fruits of the spirit. Over and over I repeated them love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. When I picked Tyson up he was oblivious to how upset I was. We ended up coming home and ordering pizza and we hung around watching tv. I am still disappointed in the way today turned out I'm not gonna lie. I am choosing to be thankful for the time we have together and the gift that Tyson is in my life. I am a work in process. I'm praying for you!

Day 10 - Joy Day 11 - Peace

I'm going to take a moment and  feel a little sorry for myself and be somewhat self indulgent. But hey, if you can't do that on your own blog where can you?

I am having a rough time. I am definitely not feeling like a super Mom or super anything really. I am very very unhappy in my job and that makes things rough. I also feel like I am not allowed to have any down time AT ALL. I take it trust me but then it seems like things suffer because of it. I just feel like there is always so much to do and I'm worn out. I'm tired of worrying about money and never having enough. And most of all, I miss my kids so much. They are with their Dad for their summer visit. They will be home next week and then go back to his house for one more week and then another week in August. I do see a light at the end of the summer visit tunnel but for right now today I am missing them terribly.

 My 11 year old has been texting me today telling me all the drama that is going on over at their Dad's. Certainly not things I want them to have to deal with. What upsets me the most is hearing how Tyson is behaving. It makes me wonder if he is only good when I am around? I can control his behaviors somewhat when he is with me but here is what I am realizing today: It's his heart that needs to be changed. I am not around him all the time, he is entering high school this year and there will come a time very soon where he will go off to college and I won't be around very much at all. What happens then? Without me around to tell him what is right and wrong does he just go off like some kind of a heathen maniac? I hope not. I read yesterday that only God can change Tyson's heart. This is why I pray, this is why the 21 days and beyond of prayer are so important. So that my son's heart and your son's heart can be shaped according to God's will. So it can be filled with His spirit. So that when we aren't around to tell them how to behave they will know in their hearts what is right and wrong. I am crying out to God tonight to give Tyson's a heart that longs for Him, that longs to please Him and to do what is right and good and pleasing in His sight. I don't FEEL like I am doing anything but I KNOW  that I am . God is listening. Even when I am discouraged and overwhelmed God hears my prayers.

Thank you for letting me vent. I don't have all the answers some days like today I don't feel like I have very many. But I know the one who does. As we continue praying the fruits of the spirit for our sons I am reminded that the joy and peace that come from the Lord are things that we have to choose to live in. I pray that you will CHOOSE to find the joy that comes only from focusing on Christ instead of our circumstances and that you will CHOOSE to rest in His peace.

I am praying for you.

Ready for these goof balls to come home!

Day nine - Love

I am so excited to begin praying about the fruits of the spirit for Tyson!!!! I am going to be praying this for myself also. I could use some work on it ;0) I've typed this prayer and am putting it on my computer at work: "Lord, fill my heart with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." The amazing thing to me is that as believers filled with the Holy Spirit we possess these qualities. The question is why are more of us (myself included) not living like it? In Galations 5:16 says "But I say, live by the Spirit and you will not carry out the desires of the flesh 17 for the flesh has desires that are opposed to the Spirit, and the Spirit has desires that are opposed to the flesh" Oh yeah, there is that whole dying to the flesh thing! So my prayer for you and myself, so we can not only be good examples for our children but also so that we can have all the fullness in this life that God has to offer, is that we live not by our flesh but by the Spirit so that we can bear its fruit.

So fruit number one LOVE!!!! Oh the things we do for love. (Hey isn't that a song?) There are many times in my life I have felt unloveable and have done many things to earn what I thought was love. It has been so hard to believe that the God of this universe loves me. And not just a little. The creator of everything is crazy in love with me!!!! And when He made me I was exactly who He wanted!!!! Oh man can you get ahold of that? Thank you Paula Hix from Trinity Church for teaching me this truth!!!! So I am praying that Tyson will know really know what REAL love is. Love you don't have to earn, love that is good and pure. That Tyson will open himself up to the love of God so that it will spill over into the relationships in his life. Join me in praying this for your sons!

I am praying for you!!!!

Day eight - Honor

Just like a knight in shining armor
From a long time ago
Just in time I will save the day
Take you to my castle far away
I am a man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you're dreaming of........

This song has been in my head since I read that today's prayer topic would be honor. For me it is a bitter sweet song. It was played 14 years ago during my wedding. I so wanted to be marrying a man of honor who wanted to be my hero as much if not more so than my ex-husband wanted to be a man of honor. I truly believe he wanted to be a knight in shining armor but unfortunately for both of us he didn't know how. Still doesn't. I believe there are all sorts of reason for this some his fault but many are not. That's a blog for another day or maybe that's something he should put on his own blog ;0)

So where does this leave me as the single mother of a knight in shining armor in training? Let me tell you first of all how cool God is. He puts this innate desire in boys from the time they are little bitty to be protectors, warriors, princes! I can remember Tyson at three, he wouldn't dream of leaving the house without his pillow case tied around his neck in cape fashion. He was always ready to fight off any bad guys or dragons threatening our well being. Fast forward 11 years. He may not play dress up any more and he doesn't often carry his light saber in the waist band of his pants but the desire of his to be a man of honor has only grown. Tyson loves to read. If you go through his book library 99% of his books are about young ordinary boys who low and behold turn out the be extrodinary heros. (Harry Potter, Luke Skywalker, Eragon, and Percy Jackson to name a few) I believe my role is to encourage this natural longing in Tyson. To help mold this desire in the appropriate direction. To teach him what God says a man of honor is and to show him examples of honorable men in God's word. To remind him about what it says in Phillipian 4:8 that whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. To not role my eyes when he insists on walking on the outside closer to the street or feels its his job to pump the gas for me. And also to pray for Tyson's future princess that she be all that this dragon slayer deserves.

I'm praying for you!

Day seven - servant's heart

Wow, day seven. We have made it to the end of the first week. Is there anyone still out there? I hope that you are still praying for your sons.

I would like to encourage you to find opportunities for your family to serve others. This is such an important thing to teach our kids. As a single mother my family has been so blessed by others. There are many things I would like to be able to give back but unfortunately do not have the financial resources to do so. That being said we look for opportunitites to give in different ways. Our favorite is delivering Meals-on-Wheels. This organization has allowed my children to truly serve by blessing others. I pray that the servant heart that has started in them in their youth will continue to grow far into adulthood.

The kids delivering Meals-on-Wheels

I am praying for you!

Day six - Purity

Purity. This seems to be a favorite topic in our household these days.  I am so thankful that Tyson and I are able to talk openly about sex. It has always been important to me that the kids feel comfortable talking to me about sex and boy do they! In order to protect the privacy of those who have not consented to have their lives publicized all over my blog I will not go into great detail about the struggles related to sexual morality that have been passed down to Tyson. I will say that I believe God has more than equipped Tyson for this fight. I used to just focus on the idea of not having sex and thought that that equaled purity but I have learned that is not the case. Tyson and I read a wonderful book titled "Questions you can't ask your Mama about sex" I'm not sure who learned more. The author points out that purity does not just mean the act of abstaining from actual sex. Ok, i know you are cringing here Mom, but I'm going to go ahead and say it anyway: purity doesn't just mean no penetration. He poses the question: Is it okay to roll around naked kissing a girl as long as you don't go "all the way"? Tyson and I have spent a lot of time defining what purity really means to a Christian young man. I encourage you to do the same with your son. We have decided that it is not ok to do anything with a girl that you wouldn't feel comfortable telling her future husband about. That Tyson should be able to walk up to the man God has chosen for this girl to marry and say here is your wife. I didn't do anything that would bring any shame to her. After all, he certainly doesn't want someone out there doing anything less than pure with his future wife.

 As a single woman this has been interesting to discuss with Tyson. It has caused me to closely examine what it means to be a Christian single woman that glorifies God in my relationships. In the interest of not being a hypocrite I would like to go on record as saying I am still working towards being the woman of virtue that God desires me to be. I am FAR from perfect. I do know that God does require that I be an example for my children and this means not asking them to do something I myself am not willing to do. It's not easy to be "pure" in today's world. It is important that we not only pray for our children but give them tools to resist the temptations they face. They are out there trust me, I know all too well.

One last note, it is important that in teaching our children to abstain from sex until marriage we do not teach them the wrong lesson that sex is "bad". We want them to have a healthy of view of sex as God created to be between a husband and wife. Tyson recently made a comment about how he was going to "do it all night" on his wedding night. I wanted to puke but instead chose to be thankful that I have a son who at very soon to be 14 is committed to waiting until his honeymoon to "do it all night" I am praying for you!